People or Objects? - - You Decide
“How you think determines how you act. How you act, in turn,
determines how others react to you.”
- David J. Schwartz - The Magic of Thinking Big
“…no matter what we’re doing on the outside, people respond
primarily to how we’re feeling about them on the inside.”
- The Arbinger Institute - Leadership and Self-Deception
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Becoming a great leader requires people to behave in rather
unnatural ways. Most people will focus on their personal needs
ahead of the needs of others. One of the paradoxes of leadership
states that we get our personal needs met by first considering
the interests of the people we lead.
Virtually anyone who has ever heard me speak has heard me use
the following quote from John Maxwell - “Leadership is
influence. That’s it. Nothing more; nothing less.” Using this
quotation as the starting point for discussions on leadership
naturally forces the discussion away from questions of control
and towards questions of influence. The American Heritage
Dictionary defines control and influence as:
Control - to exercise authority or dominating influence over;
direct; regulate
Influence - a power indirectly or intangibly affecting a person
or course of events
Based on the Maxwell definition of leadership, great leaders
rely on indirect and intangible methods rather than on direct
and dominating behaviors to move their organizations forward.
The desire to learn these “indirect” and “intangible” methods
often leads people to study “people skills” and “influence
strategies” in their efforts to grow as leaders. While I fully
support the development and understanding of these skills and
strategies, I also recommend that we take it one step further. I
recommend that we go beyond the external behaviors and address
the foundational thinking that supports them.
When I work with another person and I try to “get them to do
things” or to “motivate them to work harder”, I have slipped
into thinking of the person as an object. They have ceased to be
a person with wants, needs, and desires. They have become
something to move to my will rather than someone to understand.
If I view them as an object, they will probably pick-up on my
thinking and react accordingly. They will most likely view my
efforts to “influence” them as manipulative. If they see me as
trying to manipulate them, they will probably resist - even if
only subtly. If they resist, I will probably try some other
“influence tactic” to “get them to do things.” Thus the cycle
repeats.
If I see them as a person, and then work to understand their
perspective before acting; I stand a better chance of positively
influencing their behavior. When they sense that I understand
them, they are less likely to resist and more likely to
cooperate. Now we have an upward, cooperative cycle in our
relationship.
Can I guarantee cooperative effort from every person when I use
this approach to leadership? No. But I can guarantee that people
will eventually see my “influence tactics” as manipulative if I
don’t first try to understand them and their needs.
I can’t control how another person will react to me. I can only
control me. I can work to put the relationship odds in my favor
by forcing myself to view them as a person, not as an object.
Rather than trying to “get them to do things”, I can work to
“help them see the value in this activity”. The shift in
thinking is small, but the impact on results is huge. Just as a
small part like a rudder can steer a large ship, a small thing
like a thought can steer a relationship.
Decide to be a person among people, not the person among objects.
You may use this article for electronic distribution if you will
include all contact information with live links back to the
author. Notification of use is not required, but I would
appreciate it. Please contact the author prior to use in printed
media.
Copyright 2005, Guy Harris
